Unconscious Bias to Conscious Un-Bias

I’m heartsick about so many things right now in my adopted country.   I’ve also been thinking a lot about unconscious bias, and what to tell my kids.  I tell them that God created us all equal, that no one should ever be restrained by a knee to the neck, and that they need to be kind to everyone.  I also had to tell them that not everyone believes that, and that words and actions don’t always match.

Then I told them about how current affairs have made me think about my own words and actions.  Last week we were out of a walk and passed a young man heading into the post office – I asked if they remembered anything about him (they didn’t).  He was black, had long dreadlocks and was not dressed like a typical resident of my town.   I admitted to them that my first thought was “he doesn’t look like he belongs here”.  But I also told them that my immediate second thought, as a result of current affairs, was to check myself – why didn’t he belong here?  The guy was just mailing a letter!  I made it a point to greet him in the same way I would anyone else, with a smile and a kind word. (I am Canadian at heart, after all)

Am I proud of my initial reaction?  No, not at all.   Can I use it to demonstrate what’s meant by unconscious bias, and to model conscious un-bias?  Indeed I can.  

Mega Project x - International Marble Races

Today in corona mega- projects and international marble race tournament. Each marble has a country written on it and the 16 team bracket is well under way. Race course designed by Norah and Roddie.

Quarantine Diaries - a Good Day

Some days, I am really sad about the things we're missing - a hockey season left unfinished, a dance season with no recital culminating the year's work, a beautiful day in May with no trip to the ball fields... but other days, I kind of like our quarantine routine...

Today, before 8:00am, I had taken a walk with Roddie, the earlier riser, made waffles for the three of us, drank two glasses of water, and started a load of wash.  The kids had also emptied the dishwasher without hesitation, and done their morning "trifecta"{ (get dressed, make your bed and brush your teeth).  If I am honest with myself, I also like it because it's controlled in a world that seems out of control at the moment.

There is talk of opening things up in the coming weeks, which I know is necessary, but it also feels uncertain and uncontrolled.  Right now, it's easy to say "no", we can't do this or that, but what happens when the answer is "maybe"?  For now, the kids understand the answer will pretty much always be no, and they have been amazingly accepting of the situation, with only minor bouts of sadness or boredom. 

But what's going to happen when there is a glimmer of hope that the answer might be "yes"?  How do we know when to say "yes"?  How do I relax and let go when the answer is "yes"? 

The reality is no one knows these answers, any anyone who pretends they do is just doing the best they can like the rest of us.   Just another phase in the quarantine routine I suppose.

Quarantine Diaries... The life of a 9 year old Boy

Roddie seems to be doing just fine in this lock down.  I worry that maybe he's not, but then, today it occurred to me that maybe the life of a 9 year old boy really is as simple as it appears to be.

Today, he got up around 6:30 and because I won't let them watch TV until 7:30 (encourage them to sleep or read) he decided he would jump on his day's school assignments so he would have the maxim amount of free time (as if it were in short supply these days)  He has reported in regularly on his progress and is now all but complete for the day.

Yesterday he complained for the first time since this began 6 weeks ago that he was bored - in more typical times, this is a frequent complaint of his.  In more typical times, he's pretty busy with sports, after school, and other family commitments.  In typical times, so are his buddies so it's not always easy to gather up and play, and Rod is not one for honing his craft solo, and so we hear "I'm bored".  I'm not sure if it was acceptance or ambivalence to the current situation that has kept this complaint quiet, but in any case, there it was yesterday. 

So, I finished up my work a bit early and took to the driveway, yard and family room with him.  We first did some online exercise app that his school recommended, followed by my latest street hockey lesson and a few dozen wiffle ball hits to him in the backyard.  (I'm not much of a pitcher, especially in the wind, much to his chagrin).  I'm clearly not the preferred playmate - I can't run or hit as fast or hard as he can, and he doesn't care for my hug offence in hockey, but he was happy to have someone to play with (boss around?) and I was happy to run around outside for a bit. 

When we came in, he enjoyed a favorite dinner of hot dogs and I handed him off to Matt for some favorite "Guy Shows" on TV and a "snuggle read" before bed.  The end to a perfect (partial) day.

The perfect day, in his mind and these times was Sunday... bacon for breakfast, visit to the local pump track/mountain bike trails, family round of crokinole until well past bedtime.

All of this has led me to conclude that maybe life really is that simple, and perhaps I missed out on never being a 9 year old little boy.  That, and I really need to up my game on the outdoor sports.

Quarantine Files, Week 5 - Better Late than Never

I've been meaning to start writing the blog again for the past few months.  I am thankful for the record of our families early days that I created and in these unprecedented times, it seems important to continue… that said, here we are, wrapping up week 5 and I am only now getting around to it.

For the sake of posterity, a brief recap… our family traveling to Cocoa Beach Florida mid February for a week of sun and fun, Jay Peak Vermont in early March for a hockey tournament, and days later schools were cancelled for a day, then three weeks, then 4 more and though it's not been stated yet, we assume there won't be any school until September.  At the same time, all but essential businesses are not open to the public, anyone who can work from home must do so, recreation areas are closed and we must wear masks when we go out in public.  It is unbelievable.

This is unlike anything we have seen (or, God willing are likely to see again) in our lifetime.  We don't really know when it will end, or how the world will be different on the other side of it.  I am incredibly grateful that our family is safe and economically stable, and we're not forced into difficult decisions, just to keep a roof over our head or food on the table.

I have been working from home full time for nearly 2 years, which allows pretty much no change for me in these crazy times – Except that the kids are home with me all day and need to act as home-teacher, IT support, parental supervision, playmate, BFF, referee and so many other things.  So much has been published about staying busy during this "stay home" order, but suffice to say, that is not the case for me. 

Matt had only one week where he was able to stay at home, but has been heading into his work site most of the time.  Things have changed there also, and his contact with other during the day is limited.  I vary widely in how I feel about this – I know it's good for him to be out of the house, he struggles working from home, but some days I am also angry that he's expected to go out in the world.  It's also true that as a country our economy is a mess as a result of this pandemic, and if some, limited, business can go on – shouldn't it?  It's so difficult to know what's right, with facts changing daily as the science catches up with the disease, and the media adding their myriad of slants to the whole thing. 

The kids have been handling the whole situation with resiliency and acceptance that I could not be more proud of.  Since week 1, they have designed and worked to their own schedule and goals.  We helped of course, but they really took ownership.  I realized immediately that without some sort of rhythm to our days, we'd all be a hot mess in short order.    The kids are largely autonomous during the days – doing their school work, planning and executing art projects, and getting outside.  They also  have a decent dose of non-educational screen time – video games and TV mostly, but it's not taking over as I feared might happen. Yesterday for instance, they spent 4 hours building a Rube Goldberg machine in the living room, while "teen Nick" ran in the background. 

That's not to say that they're not feeling the stress – I think they are at times.  For instance, Norah, who has always had very big emotions, showed no signs of stress until around week three.  On Sunday night she broke down crying about all the things she misses – school, lunch with her friends, picking out her outfits, softball, friends… she's in 6^th grade, so friends are beginning to take a more important role.  I let her cry for a little bit, and we talked about the stages of grief, and how proud I was of how she was handling everything.  After that, we instituted a "Grievances and Opportunities" ritual at meal time – Similar to something we do in the lead up to Thanksgiving.  We go around the table and each state something that we're grieving, and also some opportunity that quarantine has given to us.  The kids were at first reluctant, but now begin without me even bringing it up, so I think it must be helpful. 

There is so  much more to say, but for this first time in a long time post, they key message is that we have much to be thankful for, and we're doing just fine.  

Handsome Devil

This handsome devil had his first trumpet concert today! He is loving the trumpet!