Peace and Happiness

I had a feeling of contentment this past weekend that really struck me. My life is good, and my restless mind was at peace.  Life is good, for the most part, all of the time, but I am a restless sort and my mind is not often at peace.
I've had a lot of changes at work over the past couple of years.  First, leaving the cushy job I held during my child bearing years in search of a new opportunity that actually held some opportunity.  That job was fine, couldn't beat the logistics - 5 weeks vacation!  Boss halfway across the country!!  5 miles from home!!  Virtually no travel!!!  But I was bored to tears, and try as I might, I couldn't find something internally that excited me. In hindsight, I really struggled with balancing working motherhood during this time and may have struggled with something approaching depression as well.
So I left, and went to a start up, in a different industry and though the commute was longer and I had to hit the road once in a while, it felt like a good move.  I was making progress and building up some personal capital when the best and worst thing happened - we were bought by a BIG company.  Having been through such an acquisition before, I knew how these things go, and it wasn't for me.
Lucky for me, my current company was recruiting hard and I landed a new gig in a matter of weeks.  But that has had it's challenges too, with management changes, department changes and so on.  Most recently, the rest of my department has been laid off, and I was officially moved into another role I'd been moonlighting at.  I've been oscillating between feeling confident (hey, I still have a job!) and insecure (what IS my job anyway? )  and while I was mostly having fun, I was unsettled.
As I write this, I am starting to understand where my feeling of peace has come from.  I had my annual performance review last Thursday, and it was great!  My boss passed along a lot of really great feedback, from him and others, and communicated a forward looking plan for me, that I like.  I like it a lot.  I finally feel like leaving the cushy job, the extra hours commuting and the business trips are going to be worth it, that I made the right choices, or at least good choices.
I'm still working the balance, of course, Matt and I both are.  He's been incredibly supportive and has often commented that he can see it in my demeanor that I'm happier.  It sounds a little like I am letting work define me, and maybe that's true, but that's just who I am.  It's who I was before motherhood (let's face it, I had a suit in the 5th grade, it's been who I am since before puberty)   The funny thing in it all is that I think I'm a better mother when I'm happier at work.  I am ashamed of some of the ways I dealt with the kids during that trapped time (Norah mostly, Roddie was pretty young) and I know, for the most part, I'm better with them now than I was then.
So it was with this lens that I truly and completely enjoyed trick or treating, open skate with Roddie, a drink with a friend, Saturday night sofar time with Matt and church and family breakfast on Sunday.  The extra hour sleep didn't hurt either.

PS: Over time, sometimes my writing has been therapeutic, for me, sometimes for my family to hear about the kids, and sometimes for posterity - maybe the kids will read it one day.  I think this one is a bit of all three!